Touch without consent

I was sitting on the beach and a man approached me to sit next to me. He shaked my hand and didn’t speak good english.
He looked at me and asked if he could kiss me. Before I could say no he already kissed me on the cheek. I looked at him and said no, I said no, why are you doing this? And again he tried to kiss me on the cheek and grabbed my breast. Just like that.
I became angry and with fiery eyes I said again NO. Go away please, I don’t like this.
He looked around if somebody was near, I saw different scenarios passing his mind, he looked at me once more but I think he saw and felt the wild woman coming alive in myself ready to kill him if necessary. So he left.

I sat there, suprised yet calm and looking at the sea. I started laughing and asked my spirit guides what the meaning was of this occurence. And then a bit mad like ‘really, what is the message of this?’ I don’t understand it.

I started walking again and my attention was drawn to something shiny in the sand. It was like an amythetist cristal lighting up but it was a shell. For me this kind of shell represents the yoni of a woman. As soon I held it in my hands a lot was passing by of old stories.

The old story of being attacked by 2 different men in one week time when I was a teenager. How those men took advantage of my innocence, my youthful appearance and radiance. How they wanted to take something without having permission. How they used their physical power. How scared I felt and closed down. I didn’t dare to tell anybody about these events because I felt ashamed and even guilty.

All of this came alive again. I went sitting in the sea because the waves were pretty wild. And I asked the water to cleanse me of this occurence and all the past ones too. I received the waves in it’s wildness. Shouting at them. Feeling the pain still stored in my body and releasing it.

When I was out the water I started crying.
And then I felt it again. The mistrust to men. My feminine that doesn’t trust the masculine.
All projected in the outside world. That movie was played all over again.
So another layer of deep healing is ready to happen inside of me.
For my inner woman that closed her heart to the masculine. And her yoni too. That didn’t want to trust him anymore. And often went into her dark side of manipulation and seduction strategies to take revenge and to punish him.
For my inner man that did the same in other ways to penetrate boundaries without permission and just wanted to take from the place of lust. From a place of immaturity and a lack of consciousness and heart presence.

And as Spirit is flowing through each one of us, I can say thanks right now. Because now I can see with the eyes of Love to this occurence and see that Spirit wanted me to give this opportunity and acted through this man so I would be able to heal another layer of old belief system and conditioning inside of me.

More darkness has been revealed to the light.
Healing & forgiveness.

Evelien De Wit
Touch of Medicine