When another is not available for you in the way you want it.

The more I dive deeper into this story, the more I discover that there is a lot of relating based on illusion.
How many people think they are relating from a place of pure love while it’s just another wound programming running out?

Pure love layered by mutual co-dependency,
comparison and competition leading to mistrust, expectations, constant need for approval, weak boundaries and glorified self sacrifice resulting in self sabotage, low self esteem and sexual repression issues.

Yes a painful affair if you arrive there and get conscious about this.
How this wound is played out between people.
But oh so worthly if you have the courage to dive deeply into it. And to feel the whole freaking thing through.
It is there that you can reconnect with your unique power again, your rawness and your full potential.
What makes you authentically you. What makes you available for you.

Sometimes it’s necessary to set boundaries to each other in order to allow space and time to heal. To step out of an subconscious addictive pattern.

And sometimes not. I think it’s just depending on how both parties are involved and communicating with each other.

And after all, there might be just the realization that it’s just another strategy of the ego that wants to maintain the sense of separation.
Another game of the mind.
Because love is just love.
What layers of illusion are built around it, love is what remains and sustains when everything is falling apart.

Love is always available for us.
We just have to remember our true nature and start acknowledging ourself as so.
Taking full self responsability to own this.
And it’s Love that brings us together to serve something way bigger than our personal self.
Even in times of darkness.
Trust that it’s all part of the greater good of All.

Or you can also just surrender and let Love take you on another magical and mysterious ride through yourself mirrored in seemingly outer circumstances or persons.

Evelien De Wit
Touch of Medicine

Yesterday I met a past lover of 14 years ago.
We met in Spain when we were both living and working there. Both very unawake and in full party mood with alcohol and stuff. He was that man I was secretly adoring and fantasizing about. I felt very insecure and believed the thought that he would never be interested in me because he was too beautiful and too sexy.
And then there was that moment where we met on an early morning on the way home drunk from a party night. We went together to my appartment and made out with each other. As he was under influence of drugs too the sex making was from short duration. After we were done I saw that the condom which I asked to put on was still in the package. I was to drunk to even stand still with this. And I was so proud to have the most sexy man of the city in my bed.

The day after I felt my yoni itching. A burning and painful feeling. I had to go to a doctor who was very angry to me when I said I had sex without condom. He diagnosed a vaginal yeast infection. I had to do a pregnant test a few days after. As well 2 aids tests 3 and 6 months after the sex to be certainly sure I was clean.
I was in shock of this event, I felt very dirty and very angry. I was blaming him for the whole thing and when I wanted to connect with him about that, he was suddenly disappeared.
Sure this moment was necessary for me to be more attentive and careful in sexual interaction.

This winter he appeared again after 14 years by a comment he posted on the facebook of a sister.
How this is a small world! I was totally in shock again! I reacted on his comment and so we connected again.
He is in Bali too and he reached out to meet again.

A lot of inner work has been done so I was very open en relaxed about this meeting. The days before I was tuning in the fact that he was inside me without condom. It is said that when a man enters a woman without protection there is an exchange of DNA which stays in the womb of a woman her whole life. So my future children will also carry these imprints. And for this reason I find it important to heal this place and to honor what’s there that cannot be changed.

We’ve met and started reflecting back to that moment of 14 years ago. I thought he even would not remember me or this event but I was wrong. I started sharing my experience of back then and which impact it had on me. He listened and received me. We shared how our lifes continued since our meeting. Appeares that we walked similar paths. A lot of therapy, ceremony and awakening processes. And that we share the same love for plant medicines. He shared that just before we met he was in Mexico relating with the peyote medicine which is the medicine I am most familiar with for already 10 years. And to which I feel the calling to start sharing more of with the world. When he looked at me and said that maybe he (re)activated this when he was inside of me tears were rolling down my cheeks.
Yes, this is what penetration can do.
This is the power of the Pillar of Light. Activating and opening the mysteries of the yoni and the womb.
Suddenly the whole event got coloured in differently. Showing myself so vulnarable, hugging each other, crying in his arms, saying sorry and thanks to each other was a really profound and healing moment.
We acknowledged that we met each other in our darkest times and after that the whole awakening process started for both of us. What I condemned before I now see as part of a much bigger purpose. And how he is part of my soul tribe and how he is my angel friend who helped me out by unconsciously reactivating codes inside of me.

I am just in awe of this whole event.
That same evening we met again in a supermoon cacao ceremony. And it felt so good to be in the same space, releasing all the old, all the burdens and remnants of unworthiness to the fire.

This is another mirroring how Life is working in most mysterious ways.
How I am being taking care of and supported by higher forces.

With a grateful heart,
and a grateful womb,
that is opening up now
to purify again
and give back to the earth what is not serving anymore.

Thank you Life ?❤

Evelien De Wit
Touch of Medicine

Today I was sent to a temple in a cave.
To enter it you have to crawl inside, just like entering a yoni and then being welcomed into the big magical womb of Mother Earth.
Wow, I instantly was back in Egypt, with Isis and in the Great Pyramid.
I was the only ‘tourist’ and the balinese people were so kind to invite me in their ceremony.
I was deeply touched by this integer moment of connecting with the Spirit of these people and that place.
As I went deeper in the cave and deeper into the darkness, I could feel the serenity of the big womb.
I felt myself walking in the underground channels again just like Jesus and Maria Magdalene were when they got initiated in the Great Pyramid. ‘Anna,the grandmother of Jesus’ was wispered in my soul.
I was there again, connected with all the wisdom of ascient times.
Having throw backs where the plant medicine guided me.
The place where everything and nothing come together, just the feeling of ‘I am’.
Forever held in the presence of the Eternal Beloved.
I feel so much gratitude for all that is flowing through me, for ceremony and prayer.
This is what really sparks my soul!
Sending you all so many blessings from this magical place,
Heaven on Earth ??❤

Evelien De Wit
Touch of Medicine

We are born in a female or male body.
But does that mean that if you have a female body that your core is feminine and if you are a man your core is masculine?
What if you are a female with rather a masculine core and if you are a man with rather a feminine core?
An interesting reflection I am diving in these days. Especially in the sexual energy as this is our life force energy.

People often say I have a strong feminine energy. Which indeed contains beautiful inner feminine qualities.
But I also possess an inner masculine energy. And it’s fun to animate either masculine or feminine energy in any particular moment.

But what if my sexual core has more a masculine sexual essence?
For example there are moments I really love to watch a football game with my male family members and go fully in to the ecstacy of this game. How the players are breaking free of their opponent and fiercely want to reach their goal whatever it takes for that. Even if they figurally speaking have to kill the other for that.

In the sexual play I love to be in the receiving submissive role and being swept off my feet by a sensitive and strong lover. But I also love it so much when I can take the lead and pin him down on the bed and penetrate him with my energetic lingam and enjoy the feeling how he is surrendering.
For me it is important now to explore this masculine essence and to live true to it.

This week I had a session with a male coach who guided me in this masculine polarity.
He was embodying his inner feminine and I could give expression to my inner man.
Even though my little inner boy was very alive and he didn’t know what to do with this woman before him.
How to touch her, how scared he felt with this being before him. Scared to fall in love with her, scared to feel so much attraction that he might not control himself, scared that he would not be good enough and scared to fail.
To give my little boy the sense of having control I was given the opportunity to use a rope and to tie her up.
Even then I didn’t know what to do and I just asked her what she would like. Slowly I began to touch her and as she was surrendering more I was feeling more safe and secure and came more into my wildness. I was free to take her and to do whatever I wanted.
Still I observed my little boy holding back because he didn’t want to hurt her and also I observed his grasping energy and his lust to penetrate without any presence or consciouness.
It was an interesting session.

I feel this part of me needs more exploration in order to let the little boy grow up.
I can’t deny my true sexual essence by covering it with layers of false energy for years, and then expect to know my authentic purpose and be free in the flow of love.
When these polarities are lessened sexual attraction is diminished along with spiritual depth and physical health.
If I deny my own essence and hide my true desire I am divided and unable to relax into the full openness of love.
I want to feel the natural ease and unconstrained power of my own core.

Yes
I want to open FULLY to Love and live it all.

To be continued ?

Art by tinamariaelena

Evelien De Wit
Touch of Medicine